These past few months have been both good and difficult on a number of levels...and through it all Jesus is Jesus.
It has been good because Jesus is molding me and constructing me and teaching me much. But at the same time, difficult, because the situations that God seems to work on me through are often very trying and ones I would not choose for myself.
I am thankful to get to experience the goodness of Jesus' deliverence as it extends into various instances and aspects of my life daily. Yet, it is difficult to find myself facing the same struggles and getting myself into the same corners time and time again.
Jesus' rescuing hand is there. Though I am me, Jesus is Jesus, and He continues to work on me. Although Jesus' ways are often rough (in my skewed, prejudiced way of viewing things), they move me to let go of more and more of me and grab a hold of more and more of Him.
It has been hard to come to grips with the fact that Christian radio isn't playing much of my music. It has also been difficult dealing with fewer concerts bookings, for whatever reason. These are two things that make it possible to do what I do and to spread the Good News. Unfortunately, it can get frustrating ministerily, vocationally, and financally when these things aren't working out.
Fewer bookings has been especially hard because getting to do concerts is why I do what I do. It is what makes me the most me. I get a deep sense of purpose in getting to tell people about Jesus, and His loving concern for us all, by using the gifts I have been blessed with. In talking with various friends and aquaintances, it has been harder for nearly everyone in Christian music (music, in general, for that matter) to get concert bookings. This doesn't make it any easier to deal with, but it has me praying for an economic upswing. Christain music exists because in doing concerts artists are able to put a roof over there head, food on the table, and make a living.
These two things have made the future seem more uncertain than ever, and have caused me to question my purpose and call. I find myself asking, "Is this where God wants me? Am I to persevere, stop, or, what exactly is God telling me?" And I know it is stupid to let these things raise these bigger concerns, but I am an anxious worry wart, and I am not good at resting in Jesus' arms. Oh, but I want to be. I am thankful that the peace of God extends beyond this world and beyond my understanding.
So...things are just different than they have been in the past. It is still really good, and an amazing blessing, to be sitting here today and getting to do what I do. The grace of Jesus is still mindblowing, soulscorching, heartchurning, and lifegiving. And it remains that way. That is the promise, and that is the truth. No matter what the future brings for any of us, Jesus is Jesus.
Peace of Christ,